#A002 - Our Traits (Perspective)

We all have traits that make us unique, but we often judge or suppress them. Embracing, not erasing, those traits can lead to greater self-awareness and growth. It's not about changing who we are, but learning how to use what we’ve been given in the best way.

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." – Oscar Wilde

Today, we’re going to explore who we are—not with judgment or criticism, but with compassion, awareness and acceptance. This isn’t about forcing change or chasing some ideal version of ourselves. Instead, it’s about embracing where we are right now, flaws and all. Think of it like swimming with the current of your true self rather than fighting against it.

The focus here isn’t on trying to change who we are but on accepting ourselves as we are, with all the imperfections that come with being human. Self-compassion is about recognising that we’re allowed to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and still be worthy of love and understanding. Acceptance means letting go of the need to meet unrealistic expectations, embracing who we are in this moment without judgment. Our traits—both the so-called "good" and the "bad"—make us who we are. When we stop viewing these traits as inherently good or bad, we open up the opportunity to apply them in places where they’re most advantageous for the results we want. By accepting our traits, we can learn to use them to navigate life’s challenges more effectively. It’s about shifting our mindset from judgement to understanding and finding the environments where our unique traits can truly thrive.

Redefining Traits: The Power of Perspective

Think of our personality traits as a hand of cards we've been dealt. Rather than wishing for a different hand or trying to swap out the cards, we can focus on playing the hand we have in the best way possible. It's not about changing who we are or trying to reshape our core values; it’s about understanding how to use our traits effectively in the right situations. By accepting them without labels, we free ourselves from the pressure of perfection and focus on how to apply them for growth and success. As Kristin Neff discusses in her article, Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself (Neff, 2003), embracing self-compassion and accepting our traits can lead to greater psychological well-being and growth.

Take kindness, for example. It’s typically seen as an overwhelmingly positive trait—it fosters connection, builds trust, and makes people feel valued. But in some situations, it can lead to being taken advantage of or not having boundaries. When we are too accommodating, we may lose sight of our own needs or neglect to stand up for ourselves. Similarly, traits we often label as "weaknesses" can shine in the right circumstances. For instance, stubbornness can feel like a flaw in some moments, but it’s also extremely powerful when used with determination and persistence. A real-world example is J.K. Rowling's journey to publish Harry Potter. Her manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before being accepted (Panache, 2023). Had she not been stubborn in her belief that her story was worth sharing, the world might never have experienced one of the most beloved book series of all time.

The key is to move away from judgment and towards acceptance. Our traits aren’t good or bad—they’re just part of who we are. By dropping the labels, we can focus on where and how they can actually work for us. It’s about unlearning that default setting we all have, where we judge traits or experiences as either positive or negative, and instead just accepting them for what they are—neutral and present. This default comes from how our brains are wired, as Daniel Kahneman explains in Thinking, Fast and Slow (Kahneman, 2011). Our “fast brain” loves quick decisions, so it tends to shove everything into neat “good” or “bad” categories. It’s efficient, sure, but it oversimplifies things that aren’t that black and white. When we give our “slow brain” a chance to take over, we see that context changes everything. The same trait can be a strength in one situation and a struggle in another. Letting go of snap judgments and sitting with that complexity means we can approach life—and ourselves—with more clarity and flexibility.

Fast & Slow Thinking characteristics, Modelthinkers.com

Conclusion

In the end, it’s about accepting ourselves as we are—flaws and all. By embracing our traits, whether seen as strengths or weaknesses, we unlock the potential to understand how they shape our unique contributions to the world. Traits that are often dismissed or criticised can hold immense value when applied thoughtfully.

Instead of trying to change who we are, we should focus on how to use our authentic selves in ways that serve both us and those around us. The key is shifting from judgment to acceptance, learning to play the hand we've been dealt with confidence.

P.S. It’s a lot easier to change the environment where a trait is applied than to try and rewire the essence of who we are!

Actions

Action 1: Catch Yourself Judging Traits

📌 Task: Identify 3 traits you’ve judged negatively in yourself or others.

📝 Action: For each trait, reflect on how it has helped you or could be beneficial in certain situations.

✅ Outcome: Acknowledging the value of traits usually labelled as weaknesses.

🌱 Example: "I’ve often seen my impatience as a flaw, but it pushes me to act quickly and avoid procrastination when needed."

Action 2: Accept and Leverage Your Traits

📌 Task: Choose one trait you’ve always struggled to accept.

📝 Action: Write down how this trait could be useful in your personal or professional life. Think about when it has worked in your favour or how it might in the future.

✅ Outcome: A shift from resistance to acceptance, using the trait as a tool for growth.

🌱 Example: "I’ve often struggled with my stubbornness, but it has helped me persist in challenging situations, like sticking with a tough project until completion."

Action 3: Challenge the 'Good' vs. 'Bad' Mindset

📌 Task: Reflect on a trait you often view as "good"

📝 Action: Identify a situation where the good trait worked against you or could be improved. Now, challenge yourself to think of ways to adjust or enhance this trait's impact in similar scenarios.

✅ Outcome: Broadening your perspective on traits, moving beyond simplistic labels.

🌱 Example: "I’ve always thought being too empathetic was good, but I’ve learned it can lead to burnout. Now I focus on balancing empathy with self-care."